Mind Over Matter

How were you to know...
Sunday, October 15, 2017
if someone ever have a tough life, when you see them laugh for almost most of the time?

Hello, it's me. 

And I'm back with something extremely unexpected story to be told, after almost 10 months for not publishing any thoughts of mine. 

Being 20 so far, has thought me to:

1) Be kind and considerate to others, because you never know what pain they are going through.

2) Be kind because it might be the person you keep hurting, maybe the one who keeps praying for you. 

3) Be genuine to yourself because you might hurt yourself for not being one.

4) Be genuine to the others as well because you would never know how much pain you've caused them for being pathetically fake. 

5) Listen first, understand second. Then only you can say things back if you want.

6) Stay silent, if you don't have good things to say. 

7) Do not cheat. Learn how to face your problem, no matter how big it is. Do not be a coward. 

I used to judge people who seemed depressed for living their unfair-life and prefer to let the whole world know how much depressing it was by getting it up on social media. Later, I used to be one of them who rebelled for having such an irritating life just because I thought of having more friends, more enjoyable life, more money to shop around, and flawless skin to be bragged about. 

But little did I know that they were extremely nothing, when I live in a house with the other two siblings, but I never even got the balls to say, "Hello, hows life going? Are you okay? Hows your friends? Hows your studies? Do you need any of my help?" to them, the only younger brother and sister that I have. And I used to judge them for not being independent, just like how I did, as the oldest out of all. Useless brat, I know. 

Little did I know that they were extremely nothing when I've got none of your family to support you in what ever I did. Little did I know they were extremely nothing when I only have to keep that feeling of missing your family and only be able to let it out, here, by writing it on blog. Little did I know they were extremely nothing when there's always tears drop in your hands right after you try to begin your doa in each of your solat because the thought of loosing them is killing you.

And little did I know that they were incredibly nothing when I forgot that everything that happend, was under Allah's will. 

Aku selalu persoalkan, Kenapa Aku? Kenapa Sekarang? Kenapa itu dan kenapa ini. Tapi aku pun lupa, yang dalam secara tak langsung aku dah persoalkan Qada' dan Qadar Allah. Maafkan aku Ya Allah..

I never thought of facing all these at this age. Because I always thought that I'm too young for everything. I was too happy living my own life with those unnecessary things that aren't growing me up. I was too comfortable for what I had when it was actually the least people should get in their life. To highlight the whole thing, it is actually me who always put my own self, above my family and I didn't see that they actually need me, as much as I need them. 

Now, it's time for Him to show me the true world that I'm living. The chaos that caused by our my own self, the mess that I create just because how blind I was in the past 19 years. 

Terima kasih Allah, terima kasih untuk Kau tunjukkan aku betapa sakitnya hidup tanpa "keluarga", betapa indahnya rasa bila rasa memerlukan dan diperlukan, juga peluang yang diberi untuk masih mampu untuk solat, untuk terus mengadu tentang betapa kosongnya aku tanpa orang-orang yang aku sayang, dan tanpa-Mu Ya Allah.

Sesungguhnya, tiada daya dan upaya bagiku melainkan atas kuasa dan kasih-Mu Ya Allah.